apple_pi: default me, baby (Personal - bdsmpi)


Mama is a rollin' pi

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Created on 2009-05-01 13:18:56 (#166594), last updated 2012-05-12 (362 weeks ago)

31,546 comments received, 67 comments posted

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Birthdate:Mar 6
Location:Texas, United States of America
For the time being, this journal is (mostly) f-locked. I will happily friend folks back (although it might take me a little time, as I will also happily procrastinate), and I don't think the f-locked status of things will be permanent. Just consider this a cheerful "Pardon our dust! We're renovating" sign, hung on the battered door of this LJ.



Please note that every fiction story I write is just that: fiction. These are lies, and sadly I don't even get paid to tell them. I like playing in other people's toy boxes, but I promise to put all the characters back clean and undamaged. Please note also that much of the fiction in this journal contains graphic sexual situations. If you are under the legal age to view such materials in your country/region, please go have fun somewhere else.


Friending Me: Apparently it's all the rage to have an actual policy about this. So here's mine: I like people! If you friend me, that's fabulous! If not, no worries. My posts are mostly public (the fic is all public), so do what you will. I very rarely filter my posts, so if you signed on just for the fic, uh, sorry: you'll be getting my random ramblings, occasional bitching, and nonsensical squeeing along with the stories. If you defriend me, that's okay, too - I promise I won't get all emo and/or pissy about it. I get little notices from LJ when people friend me, but not when I am defriended, so honestly it will probably take me weeks, if not months, to notice that you totally ditched me and you are really really mean. Obliviousness, thy name is Pi. What I am saying is, it's a big wide LJ and if you're happy, I'm happy. Friend and defriend at will. Okay? Okay.


Actual Really True Stories About Pi That I Heard
From my Sister's Boyfriend's Cousin's Best Friend Who Works at Jack in the Box
So He Would Totally Know

1. I heard from a friend of a friend that Pi has chapter 12 of War and Peace tattooed on her back. I swear it's from a credible source.
2. Pi's totally not addicted to the internet, to porn, to rimming, to boys!kissing, to Billy.
3. Two months ago Pi won the International Knobbly Knees Contest for the 4th year running.
4. Pi's not a geek. She's not into scifi or anything.
5. Pi's a blonde migdet wrestler. She usually goes by the stage name Sweet Kim. You'd probably remember her from that video where she dressed up like a mermaid.
6. Pi thinks homosexuality is wrong and a sin, and anyone who engages in it is clearly going to hell. She is a preacher, actually, and has founded several group homes dedicated to the rehabilitation of gay people.
7. Pi put herself through college herding penguins at McMurdo. True story, swear to God. She drooled over the Air Force pilots for free.
8. Pi was once an intergalactic overlord, but lost her seat in a very unsettling coup led by a platypus. And possibly a walrus, but neither side will confirm or deny.
9. *heavy sigh* Pi can't write. All writing posted under her name is actually produced by a consortium of gay squirrels seeking to promote their agenda. You can view their secret messages on RandyRodent.kom, where you will also find the original Rickrack Molehill, which a human female named Annie Proulx stole, altered slightly as to names and species, and passed off as her original work. While Pi doesn't approve of writing fiction about actors or the fictional characters of other authors, she is quite proud of the work of the squirrels, and feeds them the plumpest, freshest organic nuts she can find.
10. Pi is the world expert on the aphrodisiac qualities of monosodium glutamate, having published several scientific papers on the subject, and is about to take up a year-long research post at the University of Bonn to investigate whether dolphins can be taught to create slash-based haikus through a prearranged code of squeaks and clicking noises.
11. Even though Pi writes Billy/Dom pr0n, she actually reads emo Orlando/Karl where Karl is mean to Orlando and Viggo has to rush in to save the day. And she cries.
12. Pi did not invent the delicious breakfast toaster pastries, but she did think of putting frosting and sprinkles on the outside! Oh yes, she did!
13. Pi drank Billy and Dom under the table one night in Germany, and still remembered enough about what they did under the table to write about it the next day.
14. If you divide a circle by Pi you don't end up with anything. Especially if that circle is cake or pie and you don't get in first!


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lemonrocket, meleada, ruthenia alba, neke, ainohanoko, seleneheart

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